And, against all odds, he loved her...

Girl meets boy...

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 07:23:07 GMT

And boy meets girl. Instant attraction. The building of a relationship. Love builds and strengthens. Boy and girl live happily ever after.

I am not this girl.

No, I'm the almost girl. The girl that almost got the guy but then... didn't. I'm the girl that put in the time, the effort, the worry, the hope. And then the boy always chooses someone else. The carpet always, somehow, gets ripped from under my feet.

I'm the girl that gets the guy for just enough time for it to mean something to her, just enough time to prepare him for the next girl (the one that wins). I'm the place holder. Always have been, always will be.

And somehow, despite me knowing this conciously, I still get excited. I still play along like this whole thing actually could work out. I know better, I really do. But I guess my heart and my head aren't exactly on the same page.

I let myself hold on to the hope. The hope that this time is going to be different. The hope that this boy is going to be different. The hope that somehow I'm a different girl. And I let myself pretend that it's all possible. And it's in the millisecond I begin to believe that that things change.

I'm a fool.

Ugh

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:46:23 GMT

Ugh.... I'm hung over on a Tuesday. Fuck me, I'm an idiot. It was a terrible day yesterday and I wasn't thinking.

Today's going to be terrible too.

Changes

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 03:46:07 GMT

I just would like to take the time to tell all the people that I have met on FF how much I love them. So many of you have been such assets to my life and I love that I have gotten to know some of you as well as I have. There's a small group of you who I talk to almost everyday and I started to look forward to that time everyday.

However, I think a lot of me has changed and I am not the same girl that joined the Zac board in April or that started posting in the Zikki thread. I'm sure you guys can tell that too.

That being said, I think it's time I leave chat. This is not a personal vendetta against anyone. I love you guys all so much and it's not that I want to cut off contact with any one of you. It's just that I am not necessarily a Zac fan anymore nor do I care about the happenings on the Zac board or what is going on between ships. And while I know that that isn't what chat is all about, more often than not I find myself not able to relate to discussions as often as I used to be able to and becoming irritated.

But that's my problem, not any of yours. I just felt that rather than leaving completely unannounced, it was only fair that I give an explaination as to why I won't be around anymore.

I love you guys, and please don't be strangers. I'm around via AIM (WhenItRains84) or PM or just in general on the Nikki board. I don't want to lose any of you guys I just can't be at chat anymore and I hope that you guys can understand that.

Love/Hate

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 07:06:37 GMT

Things that I love:
Christi. My sense of humor. The giggles. When my preschoolers laugh uncontrollably. Shia LaBeouf. Scruff. Guys that don't try too hard. Writing. Harry Potter. Looking at attractive men smoking (my icon should be a good visual aide). Hips. Gin and Tonics. The 'F' word. People who are honest. People who would never intentionally hurt another person (Christi also falls under this category). Dave. Being ok with being single. That things never change with my best guy friend, that I'll always be his girl. Jim Halpert. Cheese. Feeling pretty. New heels. Sitting at work and actually being happy with where I am. Unexpected fun. Old friends. Being appreciated. Climbing into my bed. Waking up and seeing that I still have hours until I have to wake up. Really talented musicians. Ryan Gosling. Adam Brody. The Breakfast Club. Boys that play the piano. Really good lyrics. Mystery. Dodger games in the summer. Palm Springs. Beer. Sexy lingerie. Zac Efron, then. That the people closest to me know me better than I know myself. Getting random "How was your day?" texts from boys who actually want to know. My siblings, no matter how much I seem to hate them at the time. Wicked. Seeing past the bullshit. Asparagus. Sleeping. The Cure. The 80's. Halloween. Buying flowers for my best friends on Valentines Day. Diet Coke. People that say 'Suck it'. Christmas lights. The smell outside right before it rains. My rainboots. Stickers. Denny. Tinkerbelle. Feeling like my job has a very important place in the world. Childrens literature. Holding hands with my friends. The feeling of a guys hand on the small of my back. The guy at starbucks. Any guy that opens the door for me. Strapless dresses that look good on my shoulders. My baby girl Dylan. Pacey. Good smelling boys. Older men. Summer nights. British accents. Dancing. Simple explainations. Moulin Rouge. Musicals. Hookah. Transformers, specifically Bumblebee. Knowing that I have a good heart.

Things that I hate:
Ketchup. Ants. Creepers who think it's their right to touch me inappropriately (yes, this includes biting). My brother when he steals the remote and switches it to football. Liars. Cheaters. My dads wife. People who choose to only help themselves. The new girlfriend. Technicalities. Zac Efron, now. New Moon. Breaking Dawn. Ignorance. People who blame others when they only have themselves to blame. Boring weddings. Having to talk to strangers. School. Homework. Having to drop classes. Old friends that turn crazy. Being hot in my bed. Bad teachers. Shorts. Talking on the phone (Christi is exempt from this). Buying things I never end up wearings. Manipulation. Guys that are tools. Dawson. Lucas/Peyton. Nate/Vanessa. That I don't love the way I look. Girls that wear too much make up. Girls that don't wear enough makeup. Girls that think it's ok to dress like a skanks. The 'C' word. Stubbing my toe. The emergency room. Getting stuck in the hopital room as my friend is starting to push out her baby. Awkward conversations. Rudeness. When people are completely unable to see their own faults. My best guy friends girlfriend. Guys that think it's their right to grind up on me when I'm dancing. That my brother dated my best friend. My 'daddy issues'. Strapless bras. Idiots. Meredith Grey. That Harry Potter ended. Waking up in the morning. Cleaning the bathroom. Going to the dentist. Forgetting my lunch on my counter and having to go hungry. Unflattering clothes. Being fooled. Sneaks. Trickery. Unhappiness. Fear. Girls that are insecure and try to pull others down with them. People that try to weasel their way into things. People that don't have good hearts.

This isn't fun anymore

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 03:47:49 GMT

I was going to try and sleep on this, to not write when I'm so.... sick and tired of everything. When I had cooled off a little bit. But I can't wait. I feel the fury and I feel like I just need to release it at this point.

And yet, I don't know what to say.

I feel like coming on here should be fun. Talking to my friends on here should be fun and relaxing and a break from real life. And that's what it used to be. And now I come on and it's just not the same. I can't pin point it. I don't even want to try because I know that will just hurt feelings. But the point is still the same. Everytime I get on here, there is more stuff to be annoyed about. It's proven even more stressful than real life.

I can't say anything because there too many intricately woven threads that connect each one of us. And despite hating this lately, I still don't want to cut anyone out of those threads.

I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of the small spats that happen because of opinions. I'm tired of people not talking to eachother or being honest. I'm tired of people taking offense to things where none was intended. I'm tired of manipulation. I'm tired of bashing. I'm tired of talking about Zac and Vanessa. I'm tired of people not respecting opinions. I'm tired of secrets. I'm just so fucking tired.

And before anyone gets all crazy on me for this, it's not directed at any one person in particular. It's for everyone. It's for me, too, believe me, I know I'm not innocent.

I guess I'm just done with it all. I find myself questioning a whole lot lately why I even bother to come back day to day. Lately, it just seems like it's just simply not worth it.

I'll drown with a little help from my friends

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:52:30 GMT

I think that I have come to realize lately that I don't really have any body, in my real life, that is a good friend to me. And I guess I just don't know why. I feel like I try really, really hard to be a good friend, to be loyal and protective and compassionate and kind.

But I don't even feel like my friends like me. How horrible is that?

This is the thing. I'm better than that. And don't get me wrong here, I'm not conceited or anything. I just know that I am a good person. I deserve to have friends that want the best for me and show me that always. Not just when they need me.

I have two best friends. They tell each other things, they're going to live together, they are talking constantly, they purposely hide things from me. They are good people. I just don't know why it's like this.

More importantly, I don't know how to make it better. I don't know that things are ever going to change. I feel like I have to choose between living like this, with friends that don't even like me, or having no friends at all.

It's not that I don't have any other friends, I do. But certainly none that I would want to hang out with consistantly. I'm picky, what can I say? If I chose not to be around them, then I am choosing not to be around anyone because I don't like anyone enough to replace them.

One of them dated my brother a couple years ago. And that was quite a blow to the friendship. I don't know that we've ever fully recovered, but it was certainly starting to get better. I told her that I couldn't be her friend if she dated him again or even started being close friends with him again. Yet, now she just hides the fact that they are hanging out. Even when I have blatantly told her not to hide it, that that would be what killed us again.

The other best friend... well... she just likes her better. At least it's simple with her.

I don't know.

I feel like I need to move or something. Go to college somewhere else, maybe. The problem with that is that I am terribly anti-social. I would never make new friends because I don't care to.

I don't know.

Bad Day

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 22:24:12 GMT

It's been a bad day.

My mom is a bitch. However, I'm pretty certain most people say that about their moms from time to time.

One of my boys was behaved wretchedly today. I wanted to strangle him all day long.

A girl spilled yellow food coloring. On my brand new jeans.

A boy peed on me. Actually stood there and aimed at me before I could get out of the way.

The new lady that's working with me is doing everything in her power to make sure that I hate her. Well, at least it feels like she is. She ate my string cheese today. Who would do that? It was properly labeled and everything. Perhaps string cheese isn't a huge deal but I really wanted it today!

I haven't been able to see any of Shia's interviews.

I have class.

I fucking hate today.

Assumptions

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 01:27:31 GMT

Some people take things extremely personally.

I am an outspoken person. I protect my friends when they've been wronged. If I want to say something, I say it. I don't sugarcoat things. I'm not going to play nice just because someone is sensitive.

If I say you have no life, that is what I mean.

However, I haven't said that. I wouldn't say that.

I don't like when people make assumptions about my words. When people say that I have implied something that isn't close to the truth. I am always careful about my words. I don't say things I don't mean. I don't say things to intentionally hurt people. I say exactly what I mean to say. No more, no less.

As ridiculous as it is that this even needs to be said, assumptions make an ass out of u and me. And in this case it couldn't be more true. You have created something that isn't there. You have made me out to be something I pride myself in not being.

It's rude. It's inconsiderate. It's selfish.

And yeah, things fucking suck over here, too.

Huh. Well. Damn.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:11:19 GMT

My grandma is 91 and they give her 1-3 more days. Her kidneys are failing, so they say.

It's what's best. She hasn't been happy for the past couple of years, possibly even for the last decade. She is a sad, lonely, stubborn, hilarious, apathetic, soft-hearted old woman. And it's funny because that's just how she's always been. Rude, stubborn, and funny. The kind of rude that makes you roll your eyes but not the kind that appalls you. It's not like she's just simply grown into this... shell of the woman she once was. This is how she's always been. And from stories from my dads childhood, it goes back to even when he was a kid.

I remember going to her house as a kid. Our backyards were connected with a gate and we were over there all the time. She would always be sitting in the same place, her table, playing solataire with her old cards. She would either be watching Matlock, The Price is Right, or golf. I'd try to hang out with her for a bit, but would eventually get bored of what she was watching and go upstairs. I'd go in her room and watch Baywatch or Soul Train on Saturdays and sort piece by piece through her old jewlery. I would wear the bracelets and broaches and clip-on earrings and rings while watching bad TV in her room. That's my best memory of her. And it really isn't anything at all.

It just makes me sad to know that I never really knew her. That she would never really let any of us know her.

I'm not even sad. And that kind of makes it terrible. The most I can think about is how badly I don't want to go to the funeral and be with my Dads side of the family, including his wretched wife.

It's scary because I know how much I am like her. Stubborn, mean, abrasive. Not likely to show myself to you just to feel like I'm protecting myself.

I don't want my grandkids to not be sad when I die.

FIC: We'll Have It All

Mon, 05 May 2008 23:06:10 GMT

Title: We'll Have It All
Author: Emery
Pairing: Zikki
Rating: R for sexual content
Disclaimer: No, I don't own either of them. Things would be very different if I did.

AN: This was intended to be my 250th fic. As you can see, that didn't quite work out and I am a bit late to that party. Inspiration just didn't hit even though I tried desperately. But it did hit last night. So, here it is! And for the record, I stayed up until the wee hours of the night, and I'm pretty proud of it. Hopefully you guys enjoy it too. ;)

We'll Have It All 1/1

“Zac, I love you. I always will. You have my heart, my whole heart, and I’ll never get that back. But I can’t be with you right now. It’s not fair to us… it’s not fair to me.” Nikki told him softly. She held one of his hands close to her body in both of hers as he sat on the couch next to her.

This was absolutely killing her. She didn’t want it like this but they were stuck at this stalemate and it wasn’t making either of them happy anymore.

“Say something. Please, just say… anything.” Nikki pleaded with him. Zac wouldn’t even look at her. He had sat there for the past 10 minutes and hadn’t uttered a single word. His body was rigid but he kept his face hidden from her sight.

“Zac.” It was her final attempt at getting him to respond in any way. Her voice begged him to understand.

And this time, he did look up. His eyes were watery and Nikki could see that he was trying his hardest to keep his emotions at bay. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I just don’t… I don’t get it, Nik. I mean, we love each other, right? Why isn’t that enough?” Zac asked her, his voice cracking.

And Nikki broke. She didn’t know why it wasn’t enough. She didn’t know why they couldn’t simply be happy. Instead, they were trapped under his obligations, contracts, and fans. Zac and Nikki’s lives were under the thumb of the suits and they couldn’t be happy until they were able to live their lives however they chose.

But that wasn’t scheduled to happen any time soon.

The tears fell hard. “I don’t know, Zac. I want it to be enough. I want it to be enough so bad. But it just isn’t right now. We aren’t happy and we aren’t going to be until you are free from all of this.”

“Then I’ll just tell them I’m done. I can just be finished with all of it. I’ll call Vanessa right now, and I’ll get on the phone with Disney and we can just end it all, okay? And then we’ll be free. We’ll be able to live how we want.” Zac frantically told her getting up and pacing in front of her.

Nikki grabbed his arm, slowing his steps. She stood up in front of him tucking her arms around his waist.

“Baby, I love you for wanting to do all of that, but I can’t let you. You’re doing so well right now and your career is important. And you can’t just end things like that with Vanessa, she deserves more than that.” He tried to look away from her but she caught his chin in her hand and forced him to look her in the eye.

“This isn’t the end for us, Zachary.” She wiped his tears away with her thumbs. “I refuse to believe that this is it. Our love will not turn into some tragic wasteland. We have a future and we will be together. Just not… right now.”

“And what if we don’t ever get our future, Nik? Then what?” Zac asked quietly.

“I can’t think like that. I have to believe that we are meant for something greater than what we have right now or else I will fall apart. Nothing would be worth it if I didn’t have you to look forward to in the end. I won’t believe that this is it for us. It can’t be.”

Zac pulled her tightly to his body as the sobs overcame her. He rubbed her back with his palms and placed his kisses into her hair. He shut his eyes tightly as he realized the magnitude of what was happening.

He pulled her head up to look her in her face, memorizing each small and enchanting detail.

“I love you so much, Nik. Don’t ever forget that. And one day, we’ll have it all.”

Nikki studied his face for a moment. She took in his beauty and the sincerity in his eyes before pulling him down to her for a kiss.

The kiss was intended to be small. Chaste. A goodbye kiss. But, the moment their lips touched, Nikki realized that this wasn’t how she wanted to say goodbye.

As Zac began to pull away from her, Nikki placed a hand on his neck and held him to her. Her tongue licked along his bottom lip, seeking entrance to a place she knew so well. She felt his hands come up to cup her face and his tongue came out to meet hers. They started the routine that was so familiar to both of them, but this time, it was tinged with sadness.

His hands tangled in her long brown hair as he pressed his body even closer to hers. Zac wanted to remember everything about her, the way she felt, the way she smelled, the way she tasted. He was imprinting her on his soul even though he already knew that he could never forget.

Nikki’s hands roamed his body. They traveled from his face, down his hard chest, around to his back side, and up his toned back. As much as she tried to forget about what was coming after this, the grief of what was to come was plaguing her mind. Even as she kissed Zac, the tears still flowed hard and fast.

The kiss broke and Nikki slowly pulled Zac toward their bedroom. She knew that this quite possibly wasn’t the best thing to do before breaking up, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to help it. It wasn’t about desire or physical release. This was about need. She needed Zac to know how much she loved him; she needed to feel how much he loved her. And as she looked in his eyes, she saw how much he needed her as well.

As they stood in front of their bed, Nikki ran her hands up Zac’s chest and over his shoulders, sliding his jacket all the way down his arms until it dropped into a heap on the floor. She looked Zac in the eye, making sure his gaze was on her, before pulling her shirt over her head. She could feel his eyes on her breasts before she even had her shirt all the way off. He had always had a preference for that part of her anatomy.

Zac stepped closer to her, eyes still downcast on her bra-clad breasts, and cupped them tenderly. He leaned his head down to her neck, sucking the sensitive skin there. Nikki’s arms came around his neck and she let out a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a sob.

Zac pulled away from her, concerned. She looked away from him, trying to hold on to the tiny bit of control she still had on her emotions. He brought his hands to her cheeks, forcing her to look him in the eye, and smiled softly.

“I just…” Nikki whispered softly. But she couldn’t finish the thought. Everything had already been said and there weren’t any solutions to their problems. Either way, there would be no contentment with their choices. They could stay together and be miserable among the lies and deception that were the epitome of Zac’s career (which would surely tear them apart in the long run), or they could separate now and be miserable without each other (with the uncertainty of finding happiness with each other later in life).

Nikki wished with everything in her that things could be different and that somehow she and Zac really could be together and in love and have no other worries in the world. But there was nothing she could say or do to fix things.

And Zac understood. He knew her inner turmoil because in matched his. He knew there was nothing left to be said, and that the choices had already been made. But that certainly didn’t make anything easier.

“I know, baby. I know.” He told her, staring down at her sadly before pressing a kiss into her hair and resting his forehead on hers.

And then her lips were on his, kissing him with much more fervor. Zac responded eagerly, but while she was trying to make all the thoughts in her head disappear, he was trying to hold on to this. He wanted to savor the feeling of Nikki in his arms, her soft lips on his, her full breasts pushed up against his hard chest. Zac wanted to live in this moment forever.

Her hands were under his shirt, tangled in the hair below his belly button, his hands on her lower back, creeping downward. As he slid his hands under the waistband of her jeans, she tugged the ends of his shirt, the snaps flying open. She smiled to herself thinking about all the other button up shirts that had been rendered useless due to their lack of buttons after particularly passionate night. That was before Zac had smartly switched to snaps instead of buttons.

Nikki threw the shirt over her shoulder quickly before pushing Zac onto the bed behind him. Her hands immediately went to the belt around Zac’s waist, ridding him of his pants. She pulled them all the way off before shimmying out of her own. Nikki climbed on the bed, crawling her way over to Zac while he stood at full attention. He groaned at the sight of his very favorite red, lacy panties.

She kneeled in between his legs and looked at him through hooded eyes and a curtain of hair. Nikki trailed her hand up his leg softly, before finally reaching her destination as she began to rub him through his boxer briefs. Zac reached up and tucked some of her hair behind her ear before sitting up to meet her lips.

Nikki pulled away from the kiss, needing to feel more of him. Zac raised his hips as she began to pull of his last garment and moaned loudly as she palmed him. The sensation of her hand on him was a familiar but he would never tire of it. In fact, he didn’t think he could ever get enough of the things she did to him, the way she made him feel. He had never experienced anything like it.

Her hand moved quickly and it was becoming harder and harder for Zac to form a coherent thought. He wanted to make this last and, more importantly, he wanted to remember it. If he kept going at this rate, fast and furious, he knew that the memory would just become a fast moving blur of events. He wanted to savor every moment of this.

Zac slowed her hand with his before flipping them over so that he was on top. He lay on top of her, foreheads pressed together so that he could look into her eyes. He knew that Nikki was trying to forget what lie ahead of them, trying to lose herself in the moment, but he knew that she would regret not taking the time and not letting her head and heart just be there with him.

“Hi.” He whispered into the darkness.

“Hi…” Nikki whispered back, he voice laced with confusion.

“Stay with me, Nik. I need you to be right here, right now. Stay here in this moment with me.”

Nikki looked into his eyes and saw his pain. She saw what he was trying to do, how he was trying to embed her directly into his heart. And she had never been more in love with him than that moment.

She nodded softly before kissing him on the lips lightly. The kiss turned into fiery need and their tongues battled against one another. He nipped at her bottom lip before moving down her neck to her cleavage, nipping and sucking at the soft creamy skin there. He slid one hand under her, unclasping her black bra before tossing it over the side of the bed.

Zac looked down at the gorgeous, goddess of a woman that rested under him and thanked God once again that she was his.

But, then again, she wasn’t his anymore.

He held both breasts in his hands and continued to tease her neck and chest with his mouth. Finally, his mouth trailed over to one breast. He took his time licking, sucking, and biting her firm nipple before moving across her chest to the other breast.

Nikki groaned at the attention, her hands in Zac’s hair and her arousal pooling in her panties. She gasped at a particularly hard nip and held Zac’s head impossibly closer to her. He then moved down her body pausing to place butterfly kisses over her stomach.

He moved to slide her panties off her legs and Nikki could feel his hardness pressed against her thigh. Zac situated himself in between her thighs and, before Nikki knew what was happening, his fingers were stoking her wetness. Her hips bucked up in response and Zac simply held them down with one hand.

His fingers were moving inside of her, hitting all the right places, stroking all the right spots. And then she felt his tongue on her clit and again her hand was tangled in his hair, probably a bit too firmly. Zac removed his fingers from inside of her and parted her core with his warm and velvety tongue and Zac thought that he had never heard Nikki scream that loudly before.

In one hand, Nikki held on securely to Zac’s hair and in the other she fisted the bedding as he licked and sucked her most intimate of parts. She panted heavily as she felt herself teetering closer and closer to the edge.

“Zac… I’m gonna come, baby…” She warned. Nikki was torn between wanting to come right then, his tongue bringing her to an unbelievable high, or to wait until he was inside of her.

But didn’t matter because the moment she said those words he pushed himself inside of her, thrusting madly. She screamed out as her orgasm crashed upon her and Zac loudly groaned at the sudden constricting tightness surrounding him. Nikki clawed at his back desperately as he continued pushing in and out of her, deeper and deeper.

He chanted her name like it was the only word he knew and she urged him on, pushing her hips upwards to meet his. She brushed the hair out of his eyes and stared at his face, willing him to look at her, willing him to see her love, to see how much she would miss him. How much she would miss this.

And he did. He opened his eyes and looked directly into hers and saw everything he felt reflected back to him. Love. Happiness. Sorrow. Future. Grief. Beauty. Anguish.

No regret. Never regret.

His lips descended on hers, loving the familiarity of her mouth and tongue. They broke apart again and she made her requests. Harder. Deeper. Faster. He obliged and soon enough, both their climaxes were rapidly approaching.

“Oh, fuck! Nik!” Zac moaned loudly.

“Zac! Oh, God, Zac!” Nikki panted heavily.

They clung to each other, holding one another as they rode out their orgasms. Finally, Nikki opened her eyes only to find Zac already looking at her.

Yet, there was still nothing to be said.

Nikki sighed and looked away from him, closing off just a little bit of her heart already.

And there wasn’t anything Zac could do. It was done. So, he removed himself from inside of her and moved to lie on his back, letting out a heavy sigh. Nikki rolled onto her side, facing away from him.

Their silence was suffocating.

Minutes later, Zac heard her muffled sniffling. All it took was Zac placing his hand on her shoulder, for Nikki to turn back to him and mold her body against the side of his, resting her head on his chest. He felt her hot tears against his skin and for what seemed like the millionth time that night, he cursed himself for decisions he had made at 17. His own tears stung his eyes, and Zac cried for a life that couldn’t belong to him.

They laid there for hours, neither of them speaking. Instead, they took comfort in hearing the other breathe. Zac continued to play with Nikki’s hair, curling and twisting it around his fingers. Nikki traced lazy patterns with her fingers along his chest and stomach.

In the wee hours of the morning, when their physical and emotional exhaustion began to set in and sleep became a necessity, Zac cleared his throat. His voice was rough from crying and having not said anything for hours, and he spoke so quietly that she could barely make out what he was saying. But she heard him.

“I’m going to miss you.”

It was the only thing he could find to say that explained what he was feeling. It wasn’t much, but he hoped it conveyed that he didn’t blame her for not being able to stay with him. He understood that none of this was fair to her. But he would miss her terribly.

He felt her nod softly and place a kiss on the ribs along his side before he could no longer hold his eyes open.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Zac heard a noise and it jolted him back to consciousness. He opened his eyes slowly, taking note of the fact that Nikki was no longer in bed with him. Zac raised his head slightly and found the source of the noise that awoke him. Nikki was closing the zipper on her suitcase, only giving him a small glance before moving around the room. She was looking around the room for things that she needed to take with her back to New York.

As Nikki bent down to retrieve the red lacy underwear he had taken off of her the night before, she heard his scratchy voice.

“Leave them.”

Nikki looked at him surprised, but seeing the smirk on his face made her smile.

“Perv.” She replied, flinging them over to him on the bed. She moved around the room once more, not truly caring if she had left anything behind. Leaving things there made it seem like she truly was coming back.

“Can I drive you to the airport?” Zac asked, still frozen in his spot on the bed.

“Come on, Zac, how would that work? This is already hard enough; we don’t need to do it in front of a hundred strangers and the paps.” Nikki finished gathering her things and finally looked at Zac.

His eyes were wide and miserable and he looked like the saddest little boy she had ever seen, sitting naked in the middle of their bed.

Nikki walked over to stand in front of him on the bed. “Look, Zac, I can’t say goodbye to you. I’ve been trying to think of the perfect words to say to you this morning, the perfect way to leave this. But I can’t. So, can we just leave it?” She asked, tears once again filling her big brown eyes.

He could deny her nothing. “Of course.”

She nodded placing her hand on the back of his neck. She gave him the smallest, lightest of kisses on his lips before pressing their foreheads together to look into his eyes. “Tell me you love me.” She said shutting her eyes tightly as the tears began to fall.

“I love you so much it hurts.” He replied, his voice broken right along with his heart.

“Me too, Zac. Me too.” Nikki told him, planting a more firm kiss on his lips.

And then she was gone.

XOXOXOX

Nikki arrived back at the apartment she kept in New York. She walked through the door, dropped her luggage in the entry way, and went straight to her room, collapsing on the bed.

Just when she thought she couldn’t cry any more tears, a fresh batch would come. She knew this had been her choice and she knew that this was how it needed to be, but she had never done anything so difficult before.

She had just walked away from a man that loved her more that anything, a man that she loved more than anything. But it just wasn’t the right time. At least that’s what she tried to keep telling herself, even if it didn’t make her feel any better.

Nikki emerged from her bed sometime that evening, but it wasn’t because she wanted to. It was because there was someone incessantly banging on her door.

For a fleeting moment, she thought it could be Zac. Maybe he had come to rescue her and tell her that he had found a way out and that they could be happy together.

But then she kicked herself. It wasn’t him and there wasn’t a way out. She knew that better than anyone.

She opened the door exasperated and ready to give the person on the other side the verbal ass kicking of their life time, but the huge flowers stopped her.

“I’m sorry, Miss. I was told by the gentleman on the phone not to stop knocking. He said he knew you would be home.” The delivery man gave her an apologetic smile as handed her the huge vase filled with sunflowers.

“And everything else has been taken care of. Enjoy your day, Miss.” The man said kindly as he retreated down the hallway.

Nikki smiled through her watery eyes. He had sent her the happiest of flowers, no doubt to brighten her mood a bit. She quickly found the card in the sunflowers:

Don’t cry, Beautiful.

It’s only intermission.

-Z

And at last, she grinned. Everything would be okay.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Zac walked into his bathroom and sighed as he got out his shaving cream. He hadn’t left his house in the past two days but today he was being forced out. His agent had called him and Zac knew that he had bailed on many obligations in the last two days, and his being on set today was a must.

But still, there was nothing more he wanted to do than crawl back into their bed with those red panties.

He rubbed the lather over his face and then looked up into the mirror. That’s when he saw it. Zac didn’t know how he had missed it before. But then again, he did. He hadn’t even bothered to shower in the past two days, let alone look in the mirror.

Zac had no idea when she had had the time to do it, but taped to the very corner of his mirror was a piece of paper cut in the shape of a heart. It had been colored in with a red crayon and in the middle, in her bubbly, adorable hand writing, read the words I love you.

He had her heart.

Zac smiled and felt something that had been absent in the past days.

Hope.

Absolutely, fantastically, shitastic day...

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 19:50:57 GMT

...And it is only half past noon. Ugh. You know those days where you simply wake up and feel terrible about yourself? Today was one of those days. And unfortuntely, I am definitely not PMSing. All my clothes have gotten just a tiny bit too tight, enough to make me feell uncomfortable when I wear them, but not enough to be noticably too tight. I really need to go to the gym, but I simply cannot force myself to get off my ass and do it. My ex has been texting me, but only because he's been in Mississippi, away from his girlfriend. And the texting will definitely stop when he wench of a girlfriend is back in the picture.

I can't get finish my fucking 250th fic. I really want to have something to contribute to the 250th because it's my first milestone but it really, really isn't looking too good for me right now. And of course, the sex is the part I'm stuck at. I've never had a problem with that before, that's usually my easiest stuff to write.

One of my best friends has gone certifiably insane.

Guh!

Well... here I am.

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:40:14 GMT

I'm not even sure what exactly I want to accomplish with this... maybe it's mostly just to read other peoples fic and stuff like that and I got one myself. Or maybe its to actually write things down in... who knows.

All that I DO know is that I have this brand new obsession. His name is Zac Efron and I've somehow boarded the train that the rest of tween girls have been on for quite a while. The man is gorgeous and talented.... what more could you ask for?

And then there's Zikki. BloFron... whatever. Another new obsession. They just intrigue me. I don't truly believe that two people can act that way towards eachother... with just so much chemistry and adoration between them... and be "just friends".

Anyways... I think I'm getting the hang of this thing. :)